theonion:

The Onion’s Tips For New College Graduates: Full Report

Ha ha ha

Hey Jealousy is not just a sweet song from the nineties. It’s a funny thing about life and relationships, people want other people to be happy until they are. You see tumblrs with friends sad when their friends get into relationships and this works backwards too. People in relationships sometimes envy the single. So what is the deal with this human instinct to want what we can’t have? Over the past 9 months I’ve had to overcome a lot, well for the past few years really but the funny thing is the hardest has been excepting myself. When you are in a relationship it’s easy to deflect any inadequacies or insecurities on the relationship. “I’m not happy because he won’t commit” or “I don’t feel pretty because you’re not making me feel that way”. When you’re alone you get to say “why am I not happy?” “How can I make myself feel good”. Not many people take the time to stay single long enough to do this. It’s something I needed to do and am still doing. In the process I not only learned a lot about myself but a lot about friendships too. They’re a lot like romantic relationships. Some are selfless, some are selfish, some are genuine, some are fake, some are supportive and some are filled with jealousy but the only
one that makes you happy or unhappy is the relationship you have with yourself. So fucking corny but true. If you can wake up in the morning, being alone and feel empowered you are most certainly doing you.
Please forgive me for using you do you and like a boss. Thanks.

Love her